set me free

am on this road,

on my own.

could you take me home

set me free.

tried holding on

tried real hard

watched all fall down

set me free

all my past 

is no-ones fault

i am standing now

i set me free

i see my fears

run as fast

but get no where

set me free

i watch you go

hope you look back

dont know what i want

help set me free

all the walls 

i tore down

were not for you

they set me free

everynight 

when i close my eyes

a prayer i cry

to set me free

try to move on

your thoughts hold on

need to be strong 

to set me free

when i had a choice

i chose exile

now i choose to smile

i set me free

all this while

have lived a lie

love's healed my life

its set me free

lost inside

need to find

who'll hold me tight

who'll set me free

no more games

no broken smiles

killed the i inside

and set me free

what am i

little strands of dna, a colony of cells, tissue fibres holding bones in place with enough space for sense carrying and blood carrying tubes, a blob of protoplasm held in place by an epidermis... then where do things like feelings and emotions come from. Are we blessed to have this or are we work in progress,are we guinea pigs in someone's experiment... Sometimes i want to pack my bags and go to another galaxy, devoid of emotions, devoid of the complications... family ties, friendships, relationship woes, finding space for me, work, money, food, sleep, laugh, scream, shout, cry, all the while forgetting to smile...

What are we here for why did we come here, why are we given to power to think. We all do know we are going to cease to exist, someday in the future our planet will be destroyed and/or absorbed by a greater force. At that moment the fragility of our lives our thoughts our emotions comes to the fore... Is anything worth skipping a meal, loosing sleep...? The fact is we are a tiny speck, on a tiny speck, in a tiny speck, on the face of the universe. We are trying to make sense of what is around us.. We started by inventing languages, arts, science, etc... so that someday a future generation will learn and know about us.. Doing all this with the same earnest that a raven bulits its nest... we all have an intrinsic desire to survive, to outlast... something that is not going to happen, but thats the something that will not stop us from trying..

Am i lucky

It someone's birthday,
its the time when my family is terrified.
The tension is in the air,
I can see the people arrive.

With gifts and smiles they come,
One by one with the best of wishes.
All come and praise the lovely boy,
and cant wait to taste the freshly made dishes.

The day and time is upon us.
The door opens and intruders step in.
I am petrified, cant find a place to hide,
May be they will ignore me if I stand still.

The commotion rests, they leave
I feel lucky this time its not me.
I turn around , can't find mom
Please dont tell me the feast for the day is she.

Oh.. how can these intelligent beings
Celebrate the birth of life, by killing another being
How would you like to see
you mummy being eaten by me.

Aadhavan Review Its a miracle I survived

ANDHAVAAA!!!! is what i exclained comming out of the movies after sitting through Ravi Kumar's Suriya starrer Aadhavan. Common!! what the thinking hats behind this flick think about the Tamil movie audience is pretty obvious. I dont know where to start from, firstly i belong to the school that thinks a script and a decent storyline is a pre-reqiusite for a good movie unfortunately this thought seemed as irrelevant to the makers of the filim as helmets to Indian motorists.

The story about how a paid assassin- Suriya (who goes about shooting people with the same flamboyance and glee like little red ridding hood plucking flowers along way to grandma's) has  to protect a prominent judge who is later on is reviled to be his dad -Bharat Murali, from Rahul dev who plays a gangster and a doctor and an accomplished crane operator.

   Suriya enters the house of the judge as a help and later on reveals he is the judge's long lost son and then truns protector and the 21/2 hour torture climaxes in a stunt (suprise!! suprise!!) which shows our villan who is in a helicopter, fire a harppon, with a time bomb into an ambassador -carrying the hero's lady love and dad, hanging from the air thanks to a crane, and if you thought that was unbeatable then get this. Our hero who has been knocked unconscious wakes up thanks to the smell of petrol that has been flowing generously, then uses the cable of the crane to reach the car holding his dad and then pull out the harpoon with the time BOMB and uses the momentum to leap onto the helicopter and stab the harpoon onto it just like sticking a candle on a birthday cake and then say 'Appa na ungale kapathiten ' like any good son and our villan screams at once the timmer comes to zero like any good villan.Needless to say all the good guys are safe and live happily ever after.

It a shame the a fine actor like Bharat Murali is going to have this as his last movie, but no doubt it wont be the lasting one. And Harris Jayaraj must understand that serene locations and Suriya in colourful outfits does not mean an automatic hit score. Except for Asali... none of the songs seemed to work for me. Vadivelu salvaged the first half of the movie, Suriya's intensity waned off after the initial scenes, and it was only the sharp editing that ensured i did not sleep off. but i still dont understand how a kid could run off from Chennai and reach Kolkotta still carrying th gun he managed to take from a police officer.

In total pls dont waste time on this flick... trust me you would have more fun watching you neighbour's cat lick itself clean...

am I ...

Paradise found, Paradise lost

You took me by the hand,
To a land so colourful i had to squint my eyes
as we walked through grains of sand
you showed me heaven, the world you knew.

It was a beautiful sight,a tropical paradise,
lit under the night sky, i felt so calm inside

With you by my side
Everything seemed like it was meant to
A friend, a mother, a lover a child
Thought God had given me all that in you

Then it started to rain in paradise,
The sky roared and the clouds cried.
It was happening b'casue of what I was doing to you.

Was surprised when i saw you pack and leave
Saying this cant go on, you can be in touch with my world,
but I am leaving you.

Then you reach your safe haven, your solitude
and call to find out how is it that in heaven i do.
Little did you understand,
heaven was when i was standing next to you.

sometimes ppldontundertand i

the morning after break ups...

The mornings after break-ups are not the best ones to wake up to I suppose. Not one who seeks salvation in a bottle or in filter-packed, chemical dipped, smoke emitting cancer causer, I must have gone to sleep cause the body was too tiered to stay awake. Woke up by 11... dazed staring at the fan, the hand phone rings, I hope it was her, was not, but a friend from good ol' college days.
He had called to tell he had got engaged, wedding was a few months away. It was great news even for someone in my predicament. Then he asks, so have you met someone - OH!! the irony like splicing your skin then being made to swim in the sea. I say no, he goes on. He says he was talking about his friends from college to his ahem!! ahem!! and the conversation drifted to me.

He told her that once while in college the class had planned to go for a movie, but unfortunately he was not able to join us, so I happened to ask the class to postpone the plan so that he could also be accomadated.
He said that he had not thanked me then, neither was he thanking me now, he was feeling happy he had something nice to share with her and shared it with me too.
It was something I did not remember, little less did I think someone would keep in their mind and recall after 5 or 6 years. dont know why he called on that particualr morning, dont know why he chose to say this. I glad I am not all bad.

Sometimes idontunderstandppl and its not always a bad thing.

====================n i thing==========================

Was, Is, What will Be

Was by myself, was not all that bad
When i was not professionally secure,
Was not unhappy I was all I had.

And then you show up in my dream,
Kinda tried to fight it
Then you show up in flesh and blood
And still I fight the inevitable.


refused to see you smile cause my heart would skip a beat,
refused to see you cry cause my hands would have been there to dry your eyes,
refused to see your eyes cause you would have seen right through my little act of denial

Thought I did a good job
Not showing you what i felt.
Thought I got one up on God
'Things were not unfolding the way I had dreamt"

Then to break my hide-out inside of my sanctuary,
Came the flood of love I had never been prepared for.
I had made enough to ensure I don't escape outside, was not going to give myself that luxury,
But my defences could not hold back the joy of life like the first rays of sunshine on a sea shore.

In an instant I saw my world shaken, shattered.
Was a prisoner freed from a self imposed exile.

Did not mind the change, cause I had you by my side
And you blinded by love did not mind the sacrifice.
What started out as a confession of feelings,
turned into a whole lot more.
What was our strength,  our togetherness our understanding
Was being stretched into something, not we had bargained for.

And every time we spoke it was a whole another story
Of misplaced trust and broken hopes
It was like we had scissor fingers
Even a hug or handshake would casue open wounds.

We knew we cared we knew we loved,
Could not phatom what we were going through,
It was like our little bed time story
Became a nightmare, we were a part of it too.

And pulling the plug seemed like the only thing left to do,
For we knew not how to handle the monster we fed and grew.
It was our strength and shoulder to lean on for each other,
But now it was stopping us from being me and you.

Now we are far from each other,
Something we chose to do.
The picture , the painting seems a lot clearer
Have no regrets it was you.

For you are a wonderful person,
and I have not been all that bad to you.
Don't know if the future holds something better,
Or something new.

We are both at a train station,
Waiting for the one that takes us to the destination we choose.
May be we don't choose the same train,
Cause may be we want to end up at differnt places, different terrain, different homes,
May be that's why we called it truce.

Was it an infatuation taken too seriously,
Was it just a physical attraction  we added more meaning, more depth , more sound
Were we spinning in our own swrils but chose to hold hands
Were you the wind and I the rock, and did nt we share a common ground

Getting to understand my self, getting to understand you.
Make a wish! - nish

Man Against The World by Survivor - Rocky Soundtrack

Have you ever walked alone at night
Like a man against the world
No one takes your side
A boat against the tide
When your faith is shaken you start to break
And you heart cant find the words
Tossed upon the sand
I give you a man against the world
All the people cheer til the end is near
And the hero takes a fall
Then theyll drag you through the mud
Youre only flesh and blood
I have walked the path from dark to light
And theyve yet to come to terms
Alone I take my stand
Im only a man against the world

And love, like a distant reminder
It tugs at my shoulder
It calls me home
I shout, can a single voice carry
Will I find sanctuary within your arms
Someday when the answers clearer
Someday when I even the score
Youll reach and youll find me near you
Right beside you
Forevermore

But for now Ill walk the night alone
Like a man against the world
A brand new day will shine
Through the avalanche of time
Now the roads grown long, but the spirits strong
And the fire within still burns
Alone I take my stand
I give you a man against the world

Lyrics of No Easy Way Out - Rocky Soundtrack

Robert Tepper - No Easy Way Out

We're not indestructible, baby better get that straight
I think it's unbelievable how you give into the hands of fate
Some things are worth fighting for some feelings never die
I'm not askin' for another chance I just wanna know why
There's no easy way out there's no shortcut home
There's no easy way out givin' in can't be wrong

I don't wanna pacify you I don't wanna drag you down
But I'm feelin like a prisoner like a stranger in a no named town
I see all the angry faces afraid that could be you and me
Talkin about what might have been I'm thinkin about what I used to be
There's no easy way out there's no shortcut home
Ther's no easy way out givin in can't be wrong

Baby, baby we can shed this skin we can know how we feel inside
Instead of goin down an endless road not knowin if we're dead or alive
Some things are worth fightin for some feelings never die
I'm not askin for another chance I just wanna know why
Theres no easy way out there's no shortcut home
There's no easy way out givin in givin in can't be wrong no
There's no easy way out there's no shortcut home
There's no easy no easy no easy way out
=====================================================

Of Lunchtimes and Curiosities

It was lunch break at college and was settling at a seat opposite a classmate, it was the first or second day of college and we were in the process of getting to know each other. I casually happened to ask "so how are you leaving ?" Enquiring if she would use the bus or walk back to hostel. For which her reply was "Cant you see". It kinda put me off and I did not bother to dig further, needless to say it did have an affect on our relationship since we happened to speak little to each other throughout the first year.

Then one day before the 2nd semester exams we happened to find ourselves waiting outside our staff room, may be some last minute submission - i don't know for sure. Not having much in common we were not engaged in any meaningful conversation. Then she said "Nishanth, you seem to talk to everybody, why is it that we don't seem to be able to get along ?" I had no answer in particular then recalled the incident that unveiled in our canteen about a year ago. To which her answer was "Oh.. I thought I heard you ask, 'What are you eating..?"

We became better friends since then.

sometimes I do understand people. . . n i s h a n t h . . .

Me confused

At times it seems like there is no end in sight
At times it seems I am all right
At time the silence is too loud to bear
At times I am glad I have nothing to care.

There are the ones who know where they are heading
The ones who know what is good for sure
Is my jungle of free thoughts a blessing
Is it a disease i seek a cure

There are questions to be answered
There are things to be done long over due
As I wallow in the thoughts of things beyond my grasp
Life seems to be slipping through
I am confused

You

Like the first rays of sun you
fill my cup, out flows emptiness.

would never be able to know how did things turn out this way,
guess there is only so much we can say.
we were meant to meet for a purpose,
spend time for a cause,
you were looking for somebody,
and i was just lost.
now you have found me.
i have myself thanks to you.

this is no dream night story,
there are no pictures of me smiling with you.
you did not feed a hungry man,
for i never knew i could feel hunger till i met you.

Was comfortable in being who i was,
it was nice to get to know you as we talked.
Promised i would not fall for someone
just cause i knew about me she cared a lot.
As i continued to get closer to you
I simply found no reason to stop.

I thought you had come to shatter my dreams,
the rude awakener to wake me up to reality.
Now i see reality and then realise i have not been dreaming,
you woke me up from my nightmare fantasies.


'Things were never going to be the same again'
this i knew when I gave myself to you.
where we shall head He alone knows,
but i am in no hurry to let go off you.
I can write more, than lines that end with the word 'you'
but that fact is i have found a new beginning to my life... it began with you.

... i dont understand myself hopefully you'll do a better job at it than i do.

I know it sound cliché but thank You...


.... n i s h a n t h...in You I am lost , in You I am found

Why i have never missed family

Have to make a confession, never been the kinds who adored family gathering, weddings, the works... you get it.. Well recently i had to make a visit to Bombay/Mumbai and as fate would have it i would have to spend time with few of my relatives with whom i really have not spent more that few hours my entire life... I am not going to narrate the events day by day cause that defeats the purpose but after spending time with them I realised why I did not miss my relatives.... it was simply because i did not know them... now I do.

The only reason worth living is to be proved wrong....idontunderstandppl and sometimes myself...n i s h a n t h ....lostindiscovery

At the gym

Why do ppl take the lift to the second floor and then walk on the treadmill. idontunderstandppl.... n i s h a n t h